Transitions in Marriage

Something that I found interesting in the reading this week was the fact that we need to develop our own systems as families because that will help us when we face different issues in the long run. I think that is definitely something that I have thought of before, but I didn't realize how important it is for us to have our own family goals and way of how things should happen in our family. We all come from very unique family systems and a lot of the things that we do are based off of the system that we were raised in.


I really appreciated this quote at the beginning of the reading assignments for the week.

Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness."  

I think that this quote is something that we all need to remember as we prepare to get married and even when we have been married for years. Each of us are human beings meaning we come with both good and bad qualities that we each need to learn how to better. I think that is one of the coolest things about marriage that we have the ability to grow together and change together. Especially during the transition years such as having children because that is a very growing time in a relationship. As we remain close to the Lord with a desire to change and grow I think that it is possible for anyone to change and to grow closer to their spouse as long as they have that desire. I have seen at least in my own family that it seems like every time there is a new grandchild born into our family we all tend to get closer to one another and I have seen specifically how my parents relationship has been strengthened from those events as well. 

Dating ideas and what is love?

I really enjoyed this past week of class because I am seriously dating someone, so it was interesting to see the different ideas of what love means to each and everyone one of us. Something that I thought was important to remember is that love isn't just a feeling that we have because feelings come and go. Love is much deeper than that. Love makes us want to change and we want to help the person that we love to progress and do all that we can to help them to receive their full potential.

Another thing that I liked that was mentioned about dating was about the talk by Elder Oaks where he talks about being paired off, planned and paid for. I think that these are three important elements in the dating process because they help to create a pattern in the lives of those you date. I also believe that if a couple can do these while they are dating that it will be more natural for them to do it when they are married someday because they have already developed this pattern in their life. It was interesting how dating is such an important aspect of life because it helps to prepare us for marriage and being able to have longer conversations with people. During this week it made me reevaluate myself and I began to think of different things that I can do to help strengthen my relationships with others. I think that something that I am going to try and work on is by letting men take the lead more in dating so that they can be more accountable of planning the dates because I think that will help them in the long run of things.

Gender Roles and Same-Gender Attraction

After this past week of class I can honestly say that I have so much more compassion for those who struggle with same-sex attraction. As I watched the documentary on the men that struggle with same-sex attraction I began to see how real of an issue it is for so many people. It felt so much more real seeing people who have felt with this struggle for most of their lives. Something that really hit me was the fact that the people in the video all didn't want to be attracted to people of their same-sex. They had all gone through very heart-wrenching trials that affected them to be attracted to their same-sex. The people in the video struggled with pornography, sexually abused or substance abuse. These different things caused these people to lose confidence in themselves and they just wanted to receive the love and support from their own gender. The people in the video also kept saying "I don't want to be this way". I honestly didn't think that would be the case for them before the video, but it made sense to me that these men wanted to have a relationship with a woman and have their own family. It tore my heart realizing that they want to have a relationship with a woman, but are struggling because of the issues of the past.

It was interesting this past week because in my Eternal Families class we were also talking about gender this week. In class a guy asked a question about someone that he knew who had both female and male parts, but the parents decided when the child was young to have the child go under surgery and become a male. Now the child is facing problems because it has more female tendencies, which has caused a lot of stress to this boy because he comes from a very strong Christian family. He doesn't want to go against his beliefs but he is struggling fighting the tendencies because he didn't have the choice when he was young to decided whether or not he wanted to be a boy or a girl. After discussing this issue in class I have realized how important it is for parents to let their children have their own agency. They need to decided for themselves who they are and what they believe. As parents we can teach them all that we can, but it is up to the children to decided whether or not they will put what  has been taught to them into practice. Agency is key to our own personal growth because we get to learn from both or good and also poor choices in life. I have a testimony of agency and I know that God gave us our agency so that we could learn and grown from the hard trials of life. I am grateful for a loving Savior who strengthens us and enables us to change if we have the desire to do such.

Family Culture

Something that I never recognized is how each family has their own very distinct family culture. This past week I have been thinking of different specific tradition that my own family has. I began to think of the family road trips, going to the beach all day as a family, spending quality time together, eating family dinner together every night and etc. In each of our families their are traditions that we want to keep and things we would like to change or get rid of in our own future families. I love many things that my family does but there are things here and there that I want to change. I think the biggest thing that I want to change is by making sure that I am a better communicator because I have noticed that in my family we aren't the best at communicating and avoid it, so we can avoid confrontations. Another thing that I want to implement in my own family is by being more open with words of affirmation and showing affection such as hugging. I think that is something that goes hand in hand with communicating and is a piece of communication. It is amazing how cultural traditions remain even when they have no real reason why they are still being kept. For my own family every Christmas we have a scavenger hunt for our biggest present and that has always been a tradition that I have been excited about.

I think something that I forget to think about is the fact that when people move away there are changes that occur on the family dynamics. From the example in class of the family moving from Mexico to California illegally. This is example made my heart ache because I could imagine the struggles that each family member faced and made me want to help out the family. Something interesting to see was how after the family was finally reunited again in California the family dynamic had changed and couldn't be the same as it had been before. I have seen that in my family as well because I have five older siblings who are married and after each of them got married the dynamic of my family has changed drastically. With each marriage of my siblings the dynamic has changed and we have had to readjust and we have had to fill in the roles of those who are married. It will be interesting to see what happens when I get married someday because then all of the children will be away from home and so it will just be my parents. I am excited to see how my family dynamic will change someday yet again and see what roles each of us will start playing in the future.