Theories about the family

It is interesting how you never really fully understand how your family dynamics affect you until you take a moment to step back and see the ways you have been affected. As I was in class this past week I realized some of the different systems between my different family members, which I had never really thought about before. I also have been thinking about the different 'roles' in my family with all of my siblings and it is so true to see how when we all get back together we take on those 'old roles'. For example I am the youngest child in my family, so I have always been known as the baby and as such I have definitely been treated as the baby. When there have been changes in my family such as marriages, deaths and births it has been interesting to see how our family system has sifted and changed in order to fit the updated system. 

Something that changed the way I thought about things was the idea that everything that we do is a symbol of something. I was thinking about different experiences I have had with other people and how I thought that they were upset or angry at me because they would remain silent, but that was just who they were. They weren't upset with me, that is just who they were. I think this concept is helping me to realize that some of the things that I do might come off as a certain way to other people. This can be difficult because these symbols are often misinterpretations of things that are happening. 

I remember a specific experience where I really liked a guy and I was so nervous around him overtime that I was in his presence. I remember after every encounter I always felt like I didn't say the 'right' thing to him and that I came across as a crazy girl that was obsessed with him. When in reality he didn't even have a clue that I was interested in him. It is interesting to see how our perceptions can deceive us to believe in only one possibility. 

I think one of the most challenging parts of family relationships are the misinterpretations that happen on a day to day basis. These misunderstandings can create tension and unneeded stress to the family. This is another thing that really struck me this past week was the fact that conflicts are not generally a bad thing. Conflicts help us to grow closer to our families and we learn better communication skills and more importantly, we learn how to compromise. We have to learn how to outweigh what our wants are and look at what is the best option for everyone even when it is challenging. 

One of life's big decisions

This past week we discussed a big issue that is happening throughout the world where there is a lot of controversy these days; the decision of how many kids to have. The answer to "the right amount" of kids depends on person to person. For one person 1 child is the perfect amount and to another 6 kids is the ideal number for them to have. As we watched a documentary this past week it was interesting to see how cultures and the type of family you grew up in determined how many children that you wanted in your family. For example there was a girl from Switzerland who had only two children in her family, so likewise she believed that two was the perfect amount because that was what she was used to in her family. It is interesting to see how our circumstances in a way determine our thoughts and opinions about the family. I know that for me I am the youngest of six kids so I have always wanted to have a big family because that is what I am used to having in my life. I think that is something that we don't think about too often, that we are affected by how we were raised for both the good and the bad things. 

A quote that I really appreciated in our class this week talked about the decision of having children and how many children you have. President Spencer W. Kimball said, "You did not come on earth just to "eat, drink and be merry." You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles.  

"Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives."

It is difficult to have a family and provide for children, but something that I firmly believe and know to be true is that the Lord will provide a way for us. He will help us along the way if we are supposed to have a lot of children. It won't be the easiest path, but we will receive more joy as we do what the Lord expects of us. He knows the strengths that we have and wants us to use those strengths to help rear children in such a changing world. I am grateful for the family I grew up with because I was able to see the blessings of a larger family. It was difficult at times, but it has been one of the greatest blessing in my life. This decision will not only affect us, but it will also affect generations of people and our future families as well. 

My Purpose

My name is Rebecca Carter and I am going to be writing on this blog for the next couple of months. Currently I am a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho and hoping to pursue a career as a marriage and family counselor. I love to play the guitar, sing and go to the beach. This semester I am taking a class where I have been asked to talk about different topics regarding family relationships. I am excited to write what I learn in my class and share the thoughts and feelings that come to me throughout the semester. I hope that you all will be able to enjoy the journey with me!